[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
never heard of but which was apparently a bedtime drink, a suit of armour and a
stuffed crocodile with a lifelike expression of extreme pain and surprise.
The shopkeeper reappeared.
Better? he demanded.
It s an improvement, said Twoflower, doubtfully. I liked the herbs best.
At this point Rincewind groaned. He was about to wake up.
There have been three general theories put forward to explain the phenomenon
of the wandering shops or, as they are generically known, tabernae vagantes.
The first postulates that many thousands of years ago there evolved somewhere
in the multiverse a race whose single talent was to buy cheap and sell dear. Soon
they controlled a vast galactic empire or, as they put it, Emporium, and the more
advanced members of the species found a way to equip their very shops with
unique propulsion units that could break the dark walls of space itself and open
up vast new markets. And long after the orlds of the Emporium perished in the
heat death of their particular universe, after one last defiant fire sale, the wandering
starshops still ply their trade, eating their way through the pages of spacetime like
a worm through a three-volume novel.
The second is that they are the creation of a sympathetic Fate, charged with
the role of supplying exactly the right thing at the right time.
The third is that they are simply a very clever way of getting around the various
Sunday Closing acts.
All these theories, diverse as they are, have two things in common. They
121
explain the observed facts, and they are completely and utterly wrong.
Rincewind opened his eyes and lay for a moment looking up at the stuffed
reptile. It was not the best thing to see when awakening from troubled dreams. . .
Magic! So that s what it felt like! No wonder wizards didn t have much truck
with sex!
Rincewind knew what orgasms were, of course, he d had a few in his time,
sometimes even in company, but nothing in his experience even approximated to
that tight, hot moment when every nerve in his body streamed with blue-white fire
and raw magic had blazed forth from his fingers. It filled you and lifted you and
you surfed down the rising, curling wave of elemental force. No wonder wizards
fought for power. . .
And so on. The Spell in his head had been doing it, though, not Rincewind.
He was really beginning to hate that Spell. He was sure that if it hadn t frightened
away all the other spells he d tried to learn he could have been a decent wizard in
his own right.
Somewhere in Rincewind s battered soul the worm of rebellion flashed a fang.
Right, he thought. You re going back into the Octavo, first chance I get.
He sat up.
Where the hell is this? he said, grabbing his head to stop it exploding.
A shop, said Twoflower mournfully.
I hope it sells knives because I think I d like to cut my head off, said
Rincewind. Something about the expression of the two opposite him sobered
him up.
That was a joke, he said. Mainly a joke, anyway. Why are we in this shop?
We can t get out, said Bethan.
The door s disappeared, added Twoflower helpfully.
Rincewind stood up, a little shakily.
Oh, he said. One of those shops?
All right, said the shopkeeper testily. It s magical, yes, it moves around, yes,
no, I m not telling you why
Can I have a drink of water, please? said Rincewind.
The shopkeeper looked affronted.
First no money, then they want a glass of water, he snapped. That s just
about
Bethan snorted and strode across to the little man, who tried to back away. He
was too late.
She picked him up by his apron straps and glared at him eye to eye. Torn
122
though her dress was, disarrayed though her hair was, she became for a moment
the symbol of every woman who has caught a man with his thumb on the scales
of life.
Time is money, she hissed. I ll give you thirty seconds to get him a glass of
water. I think that s a bargain, don t you?
I say, Twoflower whispered. She s a real terror when she s roused, isn t
she?
Yes, said Rincewind , without enthusiasm.
All right, all right, said the shopkeeper, visibly cowed.
And then you can let us out, Bethan added.
That s fine by me, I wasn t open for business anyway, I just stopped for a few
seconds to get my bearings and you barged in!
He grumbled off through the bead curtains and returned ith a cup of water.
I washed it out special, he said, avoiding Bethan s gaze.
Rincewind looked at the liquid in the cup. It had probably been clean before
it was poured in, now drinking it would be genocide for thousands of innocent
germs.
He put it down carefully.
Now I m going to have a good wash! stated Bethan, and stalked off through
the curtain.
The shopkeeper waved a hand vaguely and looked appealingly at Rincewind
and Twoflower.
She s not bad, said Twoflower. She s going to marry a friend of ours.
Does he know?
Things not so good in the starshop business? said Rincewind, as sympathet-
ically as he could manage.
The little man shuddered. You wouldn t believe it, he said. I mean, you
learn not to expect much, you make a sale here and there, it s a living, you know
what I mean? But these people you ve got these days, the ones with these star
things painted on their faces, well, I hardly have time to open the store and they re
threatening to burn it down. Too magical, they say. So I say, of course magical,
what else?
Are there a lot of them about, then? said Rincewind.
All over the Disc, friend. Don t ask me why.
They believe a star is going to crash into the Disc, said Rincewind.
Is it?
Lots of people think so.
That s a shame. I ve done good business here. Too magical, they say! What s
wrong with magic, that s what I d like to know?
What will you do? said Twoflower.
123
Oh, go to some other universe, there s plenty around, said the shopkeeper
airily. Thanks for telling me about the star, though. Can I drop you off some-
where?
The Spell gave Rincewind s mind a kick.
Er, no, he said, I think perhaps we d better stay. To ee it through, you know.
You re not worried about this star thing, then?
The star is life, not death, said Riricewind.
How s that?
How s what?
You did it again! said Twoflower, pointing an accusing finger. You say
things and then don t know you ve said them!
I just said we d better stay, said Rincewind.
You said the star was life, not death, said Twoflower. Your voice went all
[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]