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"Liz." He bit the inside of his lip, but it didn't work. "He's gone." He
didn't say it like information. It was a plea. A question. How could he be
gone?
"You had no right," she said more softly.
"He's gone," John repeated. It was that simple. Suddenly he wasn't so sure
Tucker could ever be let go of any more than he could be found again. Tears
ran down his sunburned cheeks onto his chest. They trickled onto his belly. He
kept his head up for a minute so that she could see his sorrow and believe in
him again. Then, realizing that he was using Tucker's death to try to unlock
her, he turned his face to one side.
"She came to my cabin. Did you know it was Katie who took care of you when
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Jeff Long - Angels of Light everyone else went up to look for him? Because
that's what Tucker would have done.
She slept by your tent and listened to you at night. She brought you water."
"Katie? I thought maybe it was you."
"I didn't even know."
"She could have told you sooner."
Liz shook her head no, shielding Katie from blame. "This morning she came to
my cabin because you drove off with your climbing shoes. But no rope. She said
John's gone off to jump. Could I help? Because she couldn't anymore."
"I wouldn't do that."
"I told Katie, yes, I'll go find John," she continued. "Because John's not a
strong man."
"What?"
"You're weak. You're selfish. You wouldn't even come tell me Tucker died."
John traced the unhappiness written on her face. It was like graffiti, the
hollows and bloodshot eyes and greasy hair. Something more had happened, and
he hadn't been there for her. Now she was striking back on her own terms.
She'd found him hiding.
Cowering, he told himself, no different from cowering in his tent and cowering
in his silence. She meant to be insulting, but not shrill or poisonous. Angry
but not hateful.
That wasn't Liz. It was the sorrow and... whatever else had gone wrong. So he
didn't say anything to hit back.
"In camp I saw Tucker's things... all over the place." She stopped, upset.
"Vultures.
There's nothing left of the poor boy."
"It works that way," said John.
"It works that way because that's how you live it," she bluntly returned.
Something was shouting to John between her words, a collapse in her dreams, a
surrender, or maybe just heartache. It was all shout, no enunciation. She was
bitter, that's all John could say for sure. He waited a moment so they could
hear the waterfall.
Then he asked, "What happened, Liz?"
She chose to play it dumb. "What happened? I drove up the Glacier Point road
and down to Cascade Creek and to Tamarack Flat. I went all over looking for
your truck.
And here you are."
"Liz. What happened?"
"I told headquarters."
"Told them what?"
"Tucker's gone."
That wasn't what he meant. By being literal she was playing dumb. She was
dodging him. He was afraid, with that, that Liz was closed to him forever.
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"Just please tell me what happened," he tried again.
Liz glared at him.
"Please."
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"You really want to know? They shit-canned me."
"I know," said John.
She looked at him.
"Tucker told me."
"Did he tell you I'm going to jail? While I was sitting there in the office,
they arrested me."
"No."
"Conspiracy. Racketeering. Aiding and abetting in the sale of controlled
substances.
You want me to go on?"
"They can't do that."
"No? There's going to be a grand jury. Until then, it's 'desirable' for me to
continue residing in the ranger compound. In the same cabin. I'm free on bail,
John. Two hundred thousand dollars. My parents put up the ranch as a
guarantee. They're loving it."
"I didn't know."
"Don't you read newspapers?"
"I'm not your enemy, Liz."
"Yeah," she snorted.
It was on his tongue to say, I would have helped, but it was him who'd harmed.
He was the enemy. Because that's the way he'd lived it. Sorry wasn't even a
Band-Aid this time around.
"Besides," she confessed, "I did come looking. But you were gone. You were
already up on Half Dome." John sighed. No wonder she looked like shit. They
both looked like shit. They'd done a whole lot of fucking up their lives in
the last few weeks.
"What did they say about Tuck?"
"The rangers? They said, pretty early to be breaking out the body bags, isn't
it? They sent someone over to Camp Four to take statements and find out what
the hell's going on. Where do you guys get off, not telling anybody? All you
get is more scum on your name. Drug freaks. Bums. Thieves. Liars."
"Liz," he stopped her. "Tucker didn't fall. He fell, but he didn't slip." John
said it impetuously, just to sidetrack her. In fact, he wasn't sure he
believed his own story anymore.
"Yeah." Her voice was flat. "Katie told me."
"Somebody was up there with him," said John.
"I also heard you pushed him," she said.
"Katie said that?"
"Katie said everything. We talked for a couple hours. We had our cry. Blew our
noses.
Now I know what Katie knows. A whole bunch of not much."
"What if I'm right?"
Liz shrugged. "Katie believes you."
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Jeff Long - Angels of Light
"You don't."
"Nope."
He blinked. His headache was returning.
"You think this is some horror movie? Nasty psychos with steel hooks? It's not
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that easy."
John blinked again. She was going to dice him into pieces with her coldness
and cynicism and walk away. She was going to abandon him. There was justice in
that, and yet he felt wronged. "You came all this way to call me a liar?"
She paused. "No. The truth is I came to save you."
"Save me from what?"
"Your own revenge."
"What?" Then he saw the thrust. They were back to suicide.
"Nobody likes empty spaces," she said.
"You sound like Bullseye. A whole lot of hot air."
"I've got empty spaces, too," she went on. "But yours are bigger. And worse.
Maybe it's all right for you to see it all as murder."
"Hey. Thanks." At last she'd made him mad. He shook his head in disgust.
They'd reached the ultimate impasse, pity.
"No," she murmured. "That's not what I came to say. I didn't come to say
anything, John."
"Someone pushed him."
Liz hesitated. "It's done, John. They'll find him now. They'll bring him down
and we can say good-bye."
"Too late. The animals took him off. You know what Tuck said once? Don't let
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