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easily.
Chapter 11
eff awoke, surprised to find he was smiling. He lay still in the bed, trying to
recapture the dream, but it was lost, except for one rapturous fragment spinning
J
at the edge of his consciousness. They were naked, Reese s cock hard against
Jeff s body, his strong arms holding Jeff close. He could feel Reese s love enveloping
him like warm sunlight against his skin.
Then reality set in and all the happiness slid out of Jeff s face. Dreams meant
nothing.
He glanced at the clock and sighed. Three-thirty. He d been asleep maybe three
hours, but now he was wide awake. Dreading the thought of lying there with nothing
to occupy his mind, he got out of bed.
Perhaps a walk in the moonlight would be calming. Better yet, a hike, something
physical enough to distract him. After using the bathroom and washing his face and
hands, Jeff pulled on his uniform of T-shirt and jeans, grabbing a windbreaker and a
baseball cap. Armed with a bottle of water and a flashlight, he drove toward Cherry
Creek Reservoir, where Reese and he had shared their best hikes.
The paths were closed, the signs at the foot of the trails stating clearly the hours
were from dawn to dusk. Jeff didn t care. He just wanted to hike to the outcropping of
rock where they d shared their first picnic, back when the world had seemed alive with
possibility. Maybe he could find peace there, if only for a while.
He walked up the steep, winding path, enjoying the nighttime solitude. All was
silent save the rustle of animals in the woods on either side of the trail. All at once it
opened up, the trees giving way to broad, flat rock and a small, tumbling waterfall.
There was still moonlight, but the moon was hidden so the cloud edges were silvered.
Jeff found a spot near the ledge and sat, tucking his knees up under his chin and
wrapping his arms around them. He sat quietly, letting his mind empty as he stared up
at the vast dome of silver clouds, black sky and starlight.
He must have dozed because suddenly he came awake to the sound of Reese s
voice. Though that was impossible. Then he heard it again. Hey, if I knew you were
coming, I would have brought some cupcakes.
Jeff whipped his head around. What re you doing here? His heart was beating
fast. He d been avoiding Reese for so long, but now for some reason it was all he could
do to keep from jumping up and throwing his arms around him.
I come up here all the time. It s always been my favorite spot for thinking. I ve
been here nearly every day since we& these past few weeks. Helps me to clear my
head. Reese stood with his hands buried in his pockets, some ten feet from Jeff, his
strong body and handsome face silhouetted against the moonlight. Jesus, he looked
good. Tonight I couldn t sleep. I m, uh, I m going away in the morning. Down to
Mexico.
Jeff didn t respond. It was a free country. Reese could go where he wanted.
Reese lowered himself to the ground, still keeping the distance between them. Jeff
steeled himself against the sudden aching urge to move closer.
After perhaps a full minute of silence, Reese said quietly, When I was eleven, my
parents died in a car accident.
Startled, Jeff turned toward him, absorbing this unexpected information. Was this
just another tale, like the nonexistent Aiden who had broken Reese s nonexistent heart?
Jeff didn t reply, waiting.
Reese was staring out across the plains, dark purple in the predawn. Finally he
continued. I was shunted around for a few years between relatives who didn t know
me and wanted me even less. Eventually I was sucked into the foster care system. I
went to twelve different schools from sixth to twelfth grade. It was in my senior year
that I met Hank.
Jeff couldn t help the snort at the mention of that asshole s name. Twelve long years
they d been involved. How could Jeff have ever hoped to compete with that? Reese was
silent for a while, and Jeff stayed quiet right along with him, staring out at the
lightening horizon.
I can t fix what happened between you and me, Jeff. I can t wish it away. I can t
rewind and start over. I ve spent the last couple of weeks really thinking through
everything that got me to this point. I ve never done that before. My mind s been on
autopilot for so long I d forgotten how to think. I don t know if this makes sense, but I
think when my parents died, something in me died too.
Or I thought it was dead. I forgot how to love. I found other things that substituted
for love. I mean, don t get me wrong, not all the foster families I was with were bad.
Some of them were good, kind folks trying to help kids in need. Though others were
clearly just in it for the money, churning kids through their houses as fast as possible,
with as little care as they could get away with. But even with the good ones, it never
lasted. Sooner or later, I was moved, for one reason or another. As I got older, I started
acting out and getting in trouble. I would fuck things up before anyone else could do it
for me. At least I had some kind of control that way, or it felt like it, for a while.
Jeff was listening hard, aware something new was happening. Reese had never
talked this long at a stretch in all the weeks they d been together. And certainly he d
never talked about his past. He was offering Jeff his secrets. He was giving him a gift. If
only it weren t too late.
Reese continued. When I met Hank, it was the same old story. I was seventeen, the
new kid yet again, in the closet, angry and confused. Hank was there for me. He took
me under his wing. He was my first. My only for a long time. But that s not what kept
us together. Or not the main thing.
Reese paused for so long Jeff turned to look at him again. He was staring straight
ahead and when he finally spoke, Jeff had to strain to hear him.
It was near the end of senior year. A terrible accident. I I was in a fight. These
kids snuck up on us. Hank was knocked out. I think I lost my mind. I punched this kid.
I I, oh god. I ve never said this. Not aloud. Never. Reese s voice cracked and he
stopped speaking. Jeff remained still, waiting.
Drawing in a breath and blowing it out, Reese finally continued. I didn t start the
fight, but I sure was intent on finishing it. Something snapped inside me when those
kids attacked us. When he went down, he hit his head on the corner of a table. There
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