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parking lot, I looked in my rearview mirror and saw him still
standing there, watching me drive away.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. What had I done?
* * *
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I threw the door to my apartment open, the memory of what I d
done back at the motel still plaguing my mind. Monroe looked up
from the couch, a video game controller in his hand.
Dude, what s up? How was the trip?
I went right to the fridge and yanked it open, throwing the food
from the cooler inside before grabbing one of Monroe s horrible
beers and popping the top. After I d chugged the whole thing, I
finally felt ready to talk.
It s was shitty. And kind of awesome.
I sat down next to Monroe, his fingers and thumbs clicking
against the plastic, the screen alive with gunshots and screams.
That doesn t make sense. What the fuck are you talking about,
Rory?
Well, let s see. Visiting with Joel was the usual nightmare.
We argued. He showed up late both days because some asshole
inmate tried to pick a fight with him. I met Sid s son, Stuart, who
is super hot and an amazing cook. I finally talked to that blonde
woman I keep seeing. Her name is Vanessa. Oh, and I kissed
Stuart before I left.
Monroe s game was paused and his mouth was open. He stared
at me for a minute until I snapped my fingers in front of his face to
bring him back to reality.
Holy shit, dude. Sounds like a busy trip.
Yeah.
What do you mean, you kissed this Stuart guy? How the hell
did that happen?
I m not sure. I m blaming temporary insanity.
Did he say anything after you kissed him?
I took off before he had the chance to say much.
Was it a good kiss? He smirked at me and nudged me with
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his elbow.
I sighed, thinking about the way it felt.
Yeah.
Are you going to tell Joel?
I looked at him like he had three heads and put my feet up on
what passed for our coffee table.
Hell, no.
Why not? I thought he gave you the green light for hooking up
with other guys.
That s not exactly what he said, Monroe.
Did he or did he not say he d understand if you needed to fuck
someone else while he was gone?
He did, but I know he doesn t mean that. He was trying to be
noble.
Yeah, right. I don t think Joel is in any position to be mad at
you for kissing someone. He s in jail because he s a drug dealer.
He s not a drug dealer.
Whatever. Is he really in a position to be high and mighty,
especially after he told you it was okay?
I m still not going to tell him because there s nothing to tell. It
was a one-time thing. A momentary lapse. Never to be repeated.
Besides, Joel is so focused on getting this hearing, there s no point
in me bothering him with something so stupid.
If you say so.
Monroe went back to his game, and I went to my room and
collapsed. It was only a few hours before I usually went to bed, but
all I could think about was a nap. When I closed my eyes, though, I
saw Stuart. I could still smell him on my skin and my shirt, his
cologne clinging to me. There was a rap on the door, and I looked
up and saw Monroe.
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Hey, dude, I m going to order something for dinner. You in?
I have stuff for dinner.
What, did you stop on the way home?
Nah, Stuart gave me some food to take home. Like I said
before, he s a great cook.
His chuckle was stifled by the back of his hand.
Oh, is he now?
What the fuck does that mean, Monroe?
It means there was more than a kiss with this guy.
No, there wasn t.
I don t mean physically. I mean you like this guy.
I rolled toward the wall and tried to end the conversation.
Please, I barely know him. He asked me to try some of his
recipes and we talked a bit. That s all.
I felt something hit me in the back, and I sat up.
I know you, Rory. You can t lie to me like you can to Joel.
I don t lie to Joel. I just don t tell him things.
What s the difference?
I stood up and tried to leave the room, but Monroe blocked the
door.
I m not lying. He s a nice guy who was easy to talk to. That s
all.
Tell me something. If Joel wasn t in the picture, would you go
after this guy?
I hesitated, not knowing how to answer the question. Either
way I answered, it would only give him more ammunition.
There s no going after him. Even if I wanted to. Which I m
not saying I do. He s going back to San Francisco as soon as Sid
recovers from his surgery. And I have a boyfriend. Not one you
like& hell, not one I like half the time, but he s in my life
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nonetheless. I don t know what you want me to say, man.
I want you to be honest with me. It s just you and me here. No
judgments. You don t have to sugarcoat shit for me. Now tell me
the truth.
I slumped against my wall and sighed. Fine. Stuart s hot, he s
smart, he s funny and he candies bacon. I d date him in a minute.
Happy now, Monroe?
Happier than you. I m going to pick up the pizza. I ll be
back.
I dropped onto my bed and stared at the ceiling. My phone
started to ring, and I reached into my pocket and saw that it was
Joel. Right on time.
Hey, Joel, how are you?
I m good. How was your trip home?
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CHAPTER 6
I pulled into the parking lot of the Broken Feather and turned
off my car. My Saturday visit with Joel had been uneventful. I
thought of telling him about kissing Stuart, but he was too busy
filling me in on the conversation he d had with the lawyer. All I
could think about when he was giving me the details was the
money their two-hour long phone call was costing me. I felt
terrible, but I couldn t help it. I was hoping the hearing would
happen, if for no other reason than to save what was left of my
bank account.
I thought of waiting to check in, trying to catch Stuart away
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