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consciousness accompanied by unearthly lights and sounds, carrying a man momentarily into
an abnormal mental state and then dashing him again to earth, without creating any
extraordinary talent or quality to distinguish him from the average run of mortals? Was this
ebb and flow of a subtle radiant essence and the resultant widening and narrowing of
consciousness which I witnessed day and night the ultimate goal to which the occult doctrines
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of the world pointed with confidence? If this were all one could achieve, then surely it was far
better not to delve into the supernatural, but to devote oneself with undivided attention to
worldly pursuits and to follow the common path, to pass an undisturbed, happy existence free
from the uncertainty and fear which had now become an inseparable part of my life.
I continued to pay careful attention to my diet, as experience had now made me fully alive to
the fact that my life and sanity depended on it. I did not eat in excess of the quantity I deemed
proper for myself, fixing the amount according to the reaction of my digestive parts, nor did I
allow any delicacy to tempt me to depart from my self-imposed regimen. There was reason
enough to make me extremely cautious on this score, as the slightest indiscretion in respect to
the quantity or quality of the food consumed and any disregard of time created results and
reactions so disagreeable and distressing as to make me upbraid myself severely for having
committed the mistake. This happened time after time as if to impress indelibly upon my
mind the fact that from now onwards I had not to eat for pleasure or the mechanical
satisfaction of hunger, but to regulate the intake of food with such precision as not to cause
the least strain on my oversensitive and over-stimulated nervous system. There was no escape
from this forced regimentation, and during the first few weeks, even the slightest error was
instantaneously punished with an intensification of fear and a warning disturbance at the heart
and digestive centres. Usually, on such occasions my mind lost its flexibility and I felt
powerless to shake myself free of the gloom that unaccountably settled upon me all of a
sudden after eating the offending morsel. In my anxiety to avoid those unpleasant visitations,
I was meticulous not to commit the least error; but try as I might, mistakes did occur now and
then, almost always followed by suffering and penitence on my part.
For the proper understanding of my condition after the memorable night of my release, it is
necessary to say a few words about my mental state as well as about the radiating vital
current, darting up and down my spine, which was now a part of my being. My mind did not
function as before. There had occurred a definite and unmistakable change. At that time my
thought images came and went against a sombre background possessing vaguely the same
combination of light, shade, and colour as characterized the original objects which they
represented; but now the images were vivid and bright as if carved out of living flame, and
they floated against a luminous background as if the process of thought was now done with
another kind of lustrous mental stuff, not only bright itself but also capable of perceiving its
own brilliance. Whenever I turned my mental eye upon myself I invariably perceived a
luminous glow within and outside my head in a state of constant vibration, as if a jet of an
extremely subtle and brilliant substance rising through the spine spread itself out in the
cranium, filling and surrounding it with an indescribable radiance. This shining halo never
remained constant in dimension or in the intensity of its brightness. It waxed and waned,
brightened and grew dim, or changed its colour from silver to gold and vice versa. When it
increased in size or brilliance, the strange noise in my ears, now never absent, grew louder
and more insistent, as if drawing my attention to something I could not understand. The halo
was never stationary but in a state of perpetual motion, dancing and leaping, eddying and
swirling, as if composed of innumerable, extremely subtle, brilliant particles of some
immaterial substance, shooting up and down, this way and that, combining to present an
appearance of a circling, shimmering pool of light.
The constant presence of the luminous glow in my head and its close association with my
thought processes was not a matter for such bewilderment as its ceaseless interference with
the normal working of my vital organs. I could distinctly feel and perceive its passage across
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